I should not go back there

So since we’re about to get two feet of snow and I’m sick of having to step into the drifts to get to my car after it gets blocked in by snow plows, I decided to go buy a snow shovel after school tonight. The closest store that would have shovels in it is a KMart that I think I’ve been to a grand total of twice (counting tonight) in the year and a half since I moved here. Now I remember why I didn’t go back after the first experience - it is confusing to no end.

When I was walking towards where I assumed shovels would be, I remembered that I needed a new filter for my water pitcher (you do not want to drink tap water here - trust me). I was already in the appliances, and figured if I could find kitchen stuff I would probably find water pitchers. I walked through kitchen, bathroom, laundry and other small appliances, but could not find water pitchers. Feeling slightly slow in the head and thinking I must have just missed them, I asked a saleslady who was restocking shelves. She pointed across the aisle from where we were standing and said to go one row down and it would be there. The aisle she pointed me to was automotive, but sure enough, around the other side was water pitchers! What the heck???

I grabbed a filter and headed for shovels, which I found with relative ease. As I picked up the one I wanted I felt a nerve in my back pinch (again). I don’t know what I did, but it’s been hurting all day. In lieu of a boyfriend to give me a massage, I decided to grab a heating pad on my way out the door. 

Walking back to the front of KMart, I headed for the pharmacy area. Walked every aisle, found back massagers, pain relievers and everything else, but no heating pads. I couldn’t find any salespeople to help, either. As I was wandering, I wound up in the alcohol aisle. Seeing as how my five minute stop at the store had already turned into twenty, I decided I had earned a girly drink, so I grabbed some wine coolers and continued on my way.

I finally found a kind older gentleman who pointed me in the right direction. I told him that I was sure I had missed it, but he said I had at least found the item that was probably at the top of the list, meaning the shovel (I think). Yes, I’d been walking around KMart for what felt like an eternity with a water filter, wine coolers, and a shovel for what felt like days. Who does that?

Heating pads are found by arthritis medication, in case you were wondering. You can’t find them unless you are literally standing at the pharmacy counter either.

I went to check out, and had that dilemma - take the line with six people each holding one or two items, or the line with one pair of crazy white trash ladies and a truckload of stuff, carrying on and hollering at each other? I chose the long line, and it paid off. However, watching them was so amusing that when I was checking out I pulled out the wrong card and got confused when my ‘debit card’ was rejected for entering the wrong pin.

It helps if you swipe the debit card.

The lady behind the counter looked at me like an idiot, which would make the third salesperson in this short trip to give me strange looks, not to mention all the people who were looking at the girl in dress clothes and carrying a shovel and booze. 

I lead a weird life. I don’t think I’ll be going back to that KMart anytime soon.